It's Not Goodbye...

Note: I will be posting about that wonderful day that was my wedding day but this is not that post :)

A Whirlwind.

That has been the best description of the last 6 months of my life.
It blows me away how much change has happened.

One change in particular has been at the forefront of my mind and heart for a few months now. It has recently moved from what was always a dream and hope and calling to a reality.
So Here's To The Birkenfelds 

Meet Brock

:)

This goofball has been so much more than a silly boy cousin to me in my life. I can remember him in majority of my childhood (mostly doing dumb stuff with my brother or playing video games) but he was there!

This man of God has been tightly knit and deeply involved in my life the past 7 years. He has been a safe place, a rock, a comfort and my spiritual father. I was blessed to have him as the gatekeeper of my heart all through college and well after. He showed me what I deserved in a man, how I should be treated and he helped my heart heal when I wasn't treated this way. He has seen me through it all. And he gave me a Joyful YES that I could trust to the man that is now my husband. 

Meet Meg

(What can I say...she's rarely found in a picture without her kids!:)

This woman of God, wife and mother of 2 has been such a sweet blessing on my life! I got to move to college station as a young freshman in college and not only get to know her but live with her and brock at the beginning of their marriage and my new independency! She has been a best friend, a sister and a mother to me in every area of my life! She has offered me a home, a hug, lots of laughs and a shoulder to cry (a lot) on! She has adopted me as her own and I couldn't be more thankful!

Meet Nash & Sawyer (sauce) :)

I am proud to say that I have gotten to not only be there the days that both of these kids were brought into this world but walk with them and watch them grow.

Nash: I have gotten to spend the last year cuddling with this sweet boy and watching him go through major milestones and without even knowing it he stole my heart! He has without a doubt strengthened and affirmed the desire in my heart to have a sweet baby boy one day!!

Sauce: No words could describe the love that my heart holds for this soon to be 3 year old! It has been a life changing 3 years with her in my life! Who knew a heart could care and cherish and love a little girl so much?! I have cuddled and loved on her, played imaginary games, sang to sleep, bathed and prayed over her. And lately...wept as I held her in my arms at 10:00 at night while babysitting! :) 

Needless to say...This family of 4 means the world to me!

While my heart is breaking to no longer have them as my safe haven in College Station and to be fighting the fight for the Kingdom of heaven here I will never be able to express how proud I am and how excited I am for their obedience to God to GO and to SHARE and their desire to look and be like JESUS! It's rare and it's beautiful. 

So here's a lookback on some good ole 'family' photos :)

wow...

Welcome sweet Sawyer

So...THANK YOU!!
Thank you for changing my life and being a HUGE part of who I am today! Thank you for guarding and protecting my heart, for showing me what marriage and parenting looks like, for holding me through my hurt and pain and for laughing with me in my highest moments of joy! I will never be able to tell you how grateful and blessed I am, how much I truly love you and how much I will miss yall!
But I didn't write this to say good-bye. It's just how I process and wanted everyone to know the world changers you already are!! I WILL see you in 'centwal asah' (as sauce would say) :)


Yall are my people, my family and my loves :)
Love you both to the moon and back!!

"How, then, can they call on the one they have no believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!!"--Romans 10:14-15

 ^{your feet are beautiful. :)}

His Name Was PK

Over many years I've learned and experienced that kids really do say the darndest things! I easily fell into this category as a child and one person in particular got stuck with my saying for the rest of his life!

Byron Peddy

Known to 2 men as Dad

Known to 1 woman as husband and friend

Known to 2 kids as Grandpa

And known to one little girl as 'Her Pk'

Somewhere along the way in my growing up I managed to drop all normal and traditional names of Grandpa or Grandfather or Granddad and decided that Byron Peddy would now be called Ponkus.  It came from out of no where and often received confused faces and much laughter upon speaking it out loud. PK himself was floored at the randomness that came with his new name but no matter his thoughts or preference...the name had stuck. Over a little bit more time my little energetic and inventing heart burst out in calling him PK for short and that is where he has landed at in my heart since I can remember. Not everyone jumped on board or adopted his completely original new name but he always knew the little girl calling after him when PK was spoken. 

My PK passed away this morning at 3am. He went to be with Jesus and I mean really be with Jesus. He is drenched in love and glory and truth and peace like I can't even fathom right now. My PK was a hard and rough sort of man. He wasn't the emotional or opening up sort of type. I can still hear his groaning "whaaattt" as I called out his name as a child, but no matter how tough his reply was a simple jump-on-the-back hug and his chuckle was released. His heart was softened and his smile couldn't be denied. As a little girl, in my heart, he was just a big teddy bear that needed some extra squeezing from time to time and I believe that's just what I did.

But over the past week I have felt an extreme amount of emotions...you name it and I've had it. But the one that continues to lay heavy on my heart is conviction. I never told him. I never once told him how Jesus had touched and radically wrecked my life with His glory! Yes, he believed in Jesus and is now in Heaven but I missed it with him. I am filled with conviction because why is my Family the ones who I have shared the least with about my heart and the journey the Lord has taken it on? Why did I have to ask my dad a week ago to make sure he believed and knew Jesus...I SHOULD HAVE ALREADY KNOWN! It's the MOST IMPORTANT thing...it's the ONLY reason we are here on this earth and I should have known. 

How can my family truly know me if they do not know my heart and what Jesus has done for me and Jesus inside of me?

So I'm thankful for the time with him. I'm thankful that he is with Jesus right now and he gets to see it all, feel it all and know it all. I'm thankful that on May 5, 2012 he will be sitting with Jesus cheering me on as I walk down the aisle. I'm thankful he is in no pain. But I am sorry. I'm sorry that I never got to tell him. I'm sorry that I didn't know and waited until his last days to ask where he stood with the Lord. Father renew within me a steadfast and urgent spirit...

I love you PK

A new meaning of Family

My family is big, it's welcoming, it's a safe place to run and it's uniquely close.

I was raised not only by my parents but by my aunts & uncles and grandparents. I can honestly say I've never met an extended family that is as close as mine is. I love every part of the holiday gatherings, wacky games that are played, the laughter, the music and most definitely the hugs. I've always known that my family was pretty special but my eyes were opened this past Friday.

I just spent the last week (Spring Break) in Colorado with what has become my 'other' family. My church family and I took around 100 college students to Fort Collins, Colorado to worship and tell anyone and everyone about Jesus. They saw countless amount of people give their lives to Jesus and receive salvation. People from Wal-mart and Target and the mall were being healed of physical problems right before their eyes!! The Kingdom of Heaven had fallen on that city!! My week looked a little different...I experienced humility before the Lord as I worked in the 'faceless and nameless' jobs. I spent my week crunching numbers, watching the budget and cooking lunch and dinner for 130 people every day. I got to pour out all that I had into the college girls and watch them encounter the Lord. It was amazing and so hard at the same time. At the end of the week I flew from Denver to Arkansas to meet Wiley for a wedding.

For the last couple months I have been seriously missing my family and my best friends that moved to Dallas. I have had more homesick now than I ever had in college! Wiley knowing this got in contact with some of my family and had them write a quick note to me. I was greeted at the airport with a stack of papers with so much love that I literally could not stop crying. I was overwhelmed with the words that were written to me from cousins and parents and aunts and uncles. I was overwhelmed with the love that I felt for them. I was overwhelmed with how much I needed them and their love in my life. 

I was taken aback with how their simple words expressing their love for me could fill my heart to overflowing...

So I wanted to write...I wanted to say thank you. Thank you to Wiley for loving me so much and desiring to see my heart filled. Thank you to my INCREDIBLE family who has shown me this rare love, not just on last friday, but for the last 22 years. Thank you all for being a consistent rock and safe place for me even from 8 hours away. Thank you for all the faceless and nameless acts you have done for me over the years! Thank you for being a place of steadfast support...Thank You

What we have is rare, it's chaotic at times, it's sacrificial always and it's the only way I would have it. I couldn't pick a better group to have in my corner. I love you all!!

A Covenant of Sorts...

Ninety-Four Days...

2,256 hours

In 94 days I will be making a covenant in front of God and 200 people. I will be committing my life and my heart to Wiley. Whoa.

cov·e·nant

  

noun

1.

Ecclesiastical-a solemn agreement between the members of a church to act together in harmony with the precepts of the gospel.

2.

Bible
-the promises made to humanity by God, as revealed in Scripture.-the agreement between God and the ancient Israelites,in which God promised to protect them if they kept His law and were faithful to Him.

-the New Covenant is considered "a bond in blood sovereignly administered by God.

As I am in the middle of the ocean that is wedding planning I have found that it is so incredibly easy to lose sight. To lose focus of the reason of this marriage and that Jesus should be receiving all Glory rather than my center pieces or flower arrangements. But in the middle of it all, in the midst of the stress and anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed that I choose every day, He draws me in. He reminds me of my choice. He shows me the beautiful and ornate cup of grace and peace and joy that He has for me to drink from every second of every day...and in that moment I'm taken back. 

I'm brought back face to face with my Daddy, with my first Love, with my Savior...with my Covenant Maker.

And I realize that this covenant that I'm making in 94 days isn't so overwhelming or nerve racking. Yes it's a big deal and it's exciting and special and so important to be made and stand by for the rest of my life, but this isn't my first go around. Twenty-two years ago I was offered a Covenant that, while it took me a while to grasp, accept and receive it, saved me. 

So I'm taken back, I'm taken to that secret place where His Covenant is refreshed within my spirit and heart and I'm reminded...

"I vowed Myself to you beloved. I died so that you might live and live ABUNDANTLY. My blood covers you and you have all of My Love. Through My Covenant with you, I make a way for you to walk into this new covenant. I'm proud of you, I love you and I'm with you..."

THANK YOU JESUS!!! Thank You that You saved all of us and through Your sacrifice and covenant with us You have made a way for us to be in covenants with one another. I couldn't be more excited to be a wife in 94 days and am thankful that through this process am being continually reminded of my existing identity as a Daughter of the King and Bride to my Lord.

I pray that no matter what stage or season of life we are all in the original Covenant He has made with us would be refreshed and brought to life again inside of us! Love yall!

Blessings,

Danielle